I don't have a sense that this is a problem that commonly arises in the ways that people try to put NVC into practice, but I would be interested to learn if it occurs more commonly than I'm currently aware of. You say "What strikes me most about this practice is that it attempts to hide what we're really feeling from the other person, which seems to me a form of deception. I respectfully disagree. As far as moralistic judgments go I dont entirely agree with the premise that we cant stop making [moralistic] judgments." NVC cautions that it's essential to empowerment and personal freedom to recognize that emotions don't only reflect what happens outside us, but also reflect the stories we have made up about what we've observed, associations we have with unhealed pain from the past, and our assessments of how what is happening is likely to meet or not meet our needs. Our support of GRID Alternatives goes to training opportunities for women looking to jumpstart or advance their renewable energy career. This doesnt mean you have to pretend your significant other is not at fault when they are, it just means you use language that says the same thing in a different way couching your message so that it actually has a chance to surmount their psychological walls and reach their brain. Personally, I dont think that has anything to do with why he offers the advice he does. Also, expressing two different levels of "wants" may help "connect the dots" regarding the meaning one is making out of a situation, in a way that expressing only one level (even if it is at a deep "need" level) might not. Note to self: Consider whether I would want to recommend using different forms of certain feeling words, or been more careful about certain words, and whether I would want to suggest owning the interpretive quality of certain feeling words (as Clean Talk does with regard to expressing judgments). I don't know how to make sense of a standard that would imply we have to (impossibly) say everything we are doing, or be judged as being violent. You further say, "Yet, in making these judgments, we never say that we're doing so. Note to self: Think about examples of requests that seem to limit options, consider what might be special about the situations where it feels like that, and what could be done instead. U.S. Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen agreed with Chinese Vice Premier Liu He to enhance communication about macroeconomic and financial issues during a "candid, substantive, and constructive . I think there are two main strategies for shifting our habit around (moralistic) judgment: The first practice requires setting aside time to do this work, over and over again. The score for this software has improved over the past month. One thing we want to mention is that more and more transactions switch to online and this is where we can help you in bad IP-addresses detection. Note to self: Think more about what practices related to sharing interpretations I think would complement NVC, and how these might relate to the core practice. New Dawn Works is a Yelp advertiser. I seldom use this sort of labeling anymore, and I think this is true of many NVC trainers. It contributes in an enlivening way to my own explorations of communication. Functionally, one might think this is equivalent to saying that "violence is bad in some ways." As an NVC practitioner, I engage my moralistic judgments and transform them into a more holistic and humane way of thinking about situations. NVC leads to a realization that it is really valuable to orient oneself to assuming there is some positive reason behind a no, and being curious about that reason. Having gone through this process, you now express whats up for you: There isnt anger expressed in this, but only because after the processing, anger is no longer the dominant emotion being felt. Dr. Rosenberg dealt with some of the problematic aspects of our interpretations, the stories we tell ourselves, by encouraging people to shift their focus, to attend more to other components of experience that he felt were ultimately more important. I have seen this particularly in the context of meetings. For, example, if were paraphrasing in response to something someone has expressed (usually something more substantial than just no), we might say, Could I check to see if Im getting what youre saying? I perceive the demonstration as being about refraining from interacting until we can interact in a way that we trust is more likely to be productive. And, when in doubt, we can offer something to defuse this risk. You write, "It seems to me that when a person using NVC refers to a need, he/she is making a judgment as if that judgment is an uncontested fact. Not at all there is no assertion that This is a need. Ideally, nothing is overtly labeled a need, any more than a musician, when playing a note, would say out loud this is a C-sharp. Its simply a concept to guide the practitioner in choosing what to do. Join more than 724 000 websites trusting CleanTalk, Anti-Spam Features. The main risk is that, when anger is expressed, the listener is likely to infer the presence of blame and moralistic judgment, and this typically stimulates defensiveness in ways that are likely to interfere with optimal communication. The inclusion of a "second-level want" in Clean Talk likely offers some, but not all, of the benefits of NVC's focus on needs. The only way I can make sense of it is if you are objecting to the wording would you be willing? which is one common way of phrasing a request. Its not about whether or not something is needed for survival, but whether its recognizable to most people as something that tends to support human beings in thriving; its not about conveying a sense of urgency; and saying the word need when using NVC is not required by the model and is often likely to be counter-productive. Something acts as an NVC-style need if it draws attention to something that is wanted in a way that people are likely to have sympathy for and find understandable, and at a level of abstraction that supports flexibility in thinking about possible ways of addressing it. Talk to a Coach . The logic for steering away from interpretations seems to me less universally relevant than does the logic for avoiding moralistic judgments. CleanTalk has one of the biggest spam activity database of IP/email addresses. I agree that under many circumstances it could be off-putting to hear this. Speaking about a workshop demonstration of NVC, you say, "I saw no way for the mother to state without the use of judgments that her daughter had broken the law and endangered the safety of herself and others. It would have been perfectly in line with NVC for the mother to express her wish for safety (as a need), and the legal aspect could have been named as an observation though the form of an NVC expression would have invited the mother to go further into how concerns about legality impacted her at the emotional and needs levels. A while ago, a colleague brought to my attention aessay comparing a communication practice called "Clean Talk" with Nonviolent Communication (NVC) in quite some detail. I think it was more about establishing a certain detachment with regard to our judgments, not taking them too seriously, and developing a habit of using our judgments as doorways to deeper, more loving, experiences. At the same time, as real as this danger is, I want to also honor that NVC aspires to support people in transforming the way they relate to life at a deep level, not just the way they speak, and that at times NVC can be movingly effective in producing this result. I think the section you referenced to come to this conclusion might be better summarized as Dr. Note to self: If one were to invite people to name judgments rather than allowing them to hide in the shadow, this might be the way to do it. NVC has some practices, related to connecting to needs that can sometimes release people from these traps. We oftentimes want to think weve evolved past the flaws of our parents, so to hear youre just like your dad feels like a punch to the gut. I dont see any problem with the systems focusing on different usages. As I interpret it, the recipes of NVC are largely oriented towards advising how to skillfully address what I might term Relationship Talk having conversations which, at some level, have to do with the relationship between me and you, and where there is a risk of a sense of separation creeping in between us if we're not attentive. The communicative 'affordances and constraints' of BIM structured meeting conversations away from less structured, open-ending problem-solving and towards agenda-driven problem-solving around. Keep Body Language Open and Receptive Your body language communicates a lot, sometimes more than the actual words you speak. Its seldom something that can be done in real time in the middle of a conversation. It doesn't seem to occur to either the principal or Dr. Rosenberg that the goal of attending the meeting need not be summarily dropped in favor of spending an unspecified length of time with the student, that the situation might be a both/and rather than an either/or." To the contrary, Rosenberg was fond of encouraging people to "enjoy the jackal show," i.e., to accept and watch the stream of judgments that flow through our consciousness. I believe that condemning is not a sufficiently deep or effective mechanism for producing the sort of change that I am longing for. In an example that I find surprising, Dr. Rosenberg won't say that in his opinion violence is harmful, as this would be a 'moralistic judgment' (p.17). Its not a form that it seems like NVC would encourage its not naming an NVC-style need, as I understand these. So, while there's a lot in the subjective experience of anger that doesn't seem to be about thought, thought plays a critical role in the phenomenon of anger. It seems to me that sometimes the words are impeccable, but there is an energetic quality that leads to conversations not being fully alive, not flowing and evolving in a way that leads to shifts in individuals and warm connection growing between people. Posted Dec 2022 4:47 TED-Ed 4 things all great listeners know One concern I might have about Clean Talk would be that it might miss an opportunity to support people in moving beyond the limiting traps created by their beliefs. Maybe I would need to see some examples of what you would enjoy better, to sense into the advantages. Straight Talk About Communication Research Methods. Id like for us to be more committed as a couple and to know what you think about the future of our relationship [Needs]., Just as a partial message can be misconstrued, so too can a contaminated message. "You're acting so childish right now." "Oh boo-hoo. This is true of communication between our body systems as well. But, this is somewhat outside the realm of mainstream NVC teaching. Id love to have trust and practical ease in what happens between us. And, I don't know the real context of the quote. To a large extent, the NVC invitation to name our need is meant to address this issue. being connected to what is important to us, conceptually and energetically; seeing the humanity in one another, and relating to one another with an open heart; increasing flexibility, suggesting the possibility of a variety of concrete ways of addressing what matters to us; thinking and talking about what matters to us in a way that, unlike the use of moralistic language," need not trigger painful associations with a sense of danger of social disapproval or punishment. For NVC to offer rigid rules would not be congruent with the type of attitudes NVC hopes to foster in its practitioners. nwcompass~org?subject=Feedback%20on%20your%20NCC%20post%3A%20Response%20to%20a%20comparison%20of%20Clean%20Talk%20and%20NVC, A Comparison of Clean Talk and Nonviolent Communication (NVC), nwcompass.org/bob-wentworth/blog/cleantalk-nvc-response/, Response to a comparison of Clean Talk and NVC. Login. Real-Voice technology provides speech playback at a high audio quality. Regrettably, I imagine that many NVC practitioners do, some of the time, simply push away or suppress their moralistic judgments in ways that lead them to ultimately leak out in harmful ways. This pattern ends in thinking Joe is wrong and deserves to be punished without ever considering other aspects of the situation, such as Joe making a tragic choice in order to address something that we could probably all agree was important to address, and our collectively modeling the use of violence as the way we address conflict, and so on. I am an NVC trainer. The top U.S. and China economic officials held their first face-to-face meeting Wednesday, pledging to improve communication as a way to avoid more serious confrontation during a period of heightened Imagine that you approach a performer after a performance and say, You were great! That may land well, but if the performer was painfully aware of some mistakes, they may dismiss what you say as being uninformed and untrue. Cloud & invisible spam protection for websites. Im tired of your perpetual poor me attitude., Maybe if you were more of a man, youd be able to handle this., Youd probably feel better if you got off your fat, lazy ass and finally did something about it., Youre just being ungrateful like always. I feel frustrated reading this, in the way that it seems to misinterpret what NVC is advising us to do or not do. They will make her feel hurt and defensive, greatly hindering any chance of communication. I and other NVC practitioners sometimes check for anothers willingness to hear our (moralistic) judgments related to them, or express our willingness to hear anothers judgments of us, and with this agreement, and with clear acknowledging of the judgments being what they are, exchanging judgments can be very helpful and clarifying. There is an intermediate step, if one hasnt gone through this sort of processing: One can remind oneself that our anger isnt the full truth of the situation, and that the blame component of what we feel is only there because we havent done the work to understand the situation more deeply. I think this can happen even with people who are quite practiced in the form of NVC. This is the "blame" that Rosenberg talks about. Anti-Spam module by CleanTalk to protect your Drupal sites from spambot registration and spam comments publications thru comment and contact forms. DataBase of spam active IP & Email addresses. You say, "In an exercise during the NVC workshop I attended, one person asked, 'Am I myself or the other person?' I personally advise my students NOT to use the word need when speaking using NVC, to minimize the likelihood of such misunderstandings. It may be helpful to review what I said above about what the technical term need refers to in NVC. Your visitors are more loyal and not annoyed guessing characters or puzzles. But, if we're conscious of the risks of making up stories about things, we can also check our beliefs in other ways, by naming observations, or by being curious about the good reasons another person might have had for their choices (i.e., the needs behind their actions). Avoid judgment words and loaded terms. 4 Reasons Why "Clean Talk Communication" is Important During some of my recent coaching sessions, I have both noticed my clients leaning toward wordiness and/or my clients would have to address wordiness in others. NASA said Wednesday it awarded $425 million to Boeing Co. for the agency's "Sustainable Flight Demonstrator" project as the Biden administration works to cut aviation sector emissions. I believe its a mistake to take such expressions of his too literally. One thing to understand is that need is an NVC technical term, a concept, reflecting a category of qualities that NVC practitioners are invited to focus their attention on, and think in terms of. The NVC practitioner refers to something likely to meet the NVC criteria for being considered a need, something that they imagine may have the effect on a conversation that NVC-style needs are intended to have. You write that a direct request seems less effective, in part because "it assumes that the other person can supply the request. Im surprised by this assertion. The technical meaning is different (associated with different connotations) than the way the word is commonly used in English. New Dawn Works is open Mon, Tue, Wed, Thu, Fri, Sat, Sun. Instead, he offers to say, 'I am fearful of the use of violence to resolve conflicts; I value the resolution of human conflicts through other means. I think Rosenberg is trying to disrupt the well-worn mental grooves that eventually lead to condemnation. NVC does, I think, invite us to examine more closely certain beliefs, especially beliefs that we think we can only express in moralistic terms. Readers will likely need to reference the essay,A Comparison of Clean Talk and Nonviolent Communication (NVC),to make sense out of my responses. I notice that when I read this, I don't share or like the judgment of a "confusion of boundaries." In this case, the judgment may still be present, but the driving energy that created, strengthened and sustained the judgment is likely to be gone or greatly weakened because Im not identified with believing the judgment or focusing on it, neither am I resisting it, and Im attending to the underlying concern that the judgment arose to call attention to. I have a sense that your "second-level want" is philosophically close to NVC's "need"both are about going to the deeper meaning that is at the heart of the conversation. House Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) said he is against a "clean" debt ceiling increase. ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. There is probably something to be learned about skillful use of requests so as to not fall into this trap. Neither usage is intended to imply the sort of connotations conventionally associated with distinctions between wants and needs. Avoiding the word need when using NVC helps reduce the chances of people making these (understandable) associations with these words that are spurious to the actual intention. My sense is that NVC offers both means and encouragement to "acknowledge work well done or to offer blessing or support, and that doing these things is strongly encouraged in the NVC community. People are understood as having powerful intrinsic motivation to contribute to life and to one anothers well-being, which can blossom when these impulses are not being dampened by a coercive milieu. So for example, if you want to spend more time with friends, but your significant other wont budge on giving her blessing, you might say, Im going to start spending every Saturday morning with them, and then follow through on that action. We might then name I feel angry but in a way that energetically does not dump our anger onto the other person, because we trust that the anger doesnt represent our deepest truth. Muddy messages create distance and contention in a relationship. What judgment (of the 5 that are lurking in the background) is it important to name? I notice that you seem concerned about NVC practitioners not sharing certain things, yet I have no idea why not sharing these would be of concern. Moralistic language and judgments are used to talk about things that matter to people interpersonally. I think that is both unnecessary and unwise." But what actually comes out of our mouths may only be a slice of that bigger picture a partial fragment that is then misconstrued by our partner. What NVC is concerned about, in part, is the dynamic of sabotaging self-trust that can get set up when we assume that there is an objective truth about what is good and bad and that we are able to deliver authoritative judgments about this goodness/badness. Cleantech Communication is a collective of senior-level consultants who operate as an extension of our clients in-house teams. We also offer strategy and execution . I notice that I seem triggered, and I interpret this to mean this interaction is reminding me of some unhealed pain from the past. When we closet-fight, MFP write, The message is: Youre bad, youre bad, youre bad. 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FAQs . What is Clean Talk TM ? You also write, in regard to NVC, "In not requiring the speaker to reveal how they would benefit, in my opinion, there is a lack of clarity and also a denial of ownership.. CleanTalk is a SaaS spam protection service for Web sites. Communicate privately with other cleaners from around the world. In the story I made up, there was a role play happening, and the person just wanted to know whether they were being asked to be themselves, or put themselves in another's shoes. CleanTalk Inc | 63 followers on LinkedIn. Based on the story I made up, I judge that your conclusion sounds like a stretch, an example of using free association to try to force data to confirm your hypothesis of a problem. Note to self: Consider seeking more understanding around this point, to support assessing whether this is something I feel would add useful clarity. CleanTalk protects your website from spam bots and spam in. My take on this is that using the word want (then following it with an NVC-style need) is generally a safer way of practicing NVC, and that Dr. Rosenberg used the word need sometimes primarily for pedagogical purposes. seeming condescending the tonality one uses can affect how this is received. . Im curious about the apparent intensity of wanting to know more (you say, "I have questions"), with regard to some of these examples. This encompasses strategic consulting services for brand positioning & messaging as well as strategic planning. 26. People often get caught up in believing that their interpretations are true to an extent that leaves them caught in an unhelpful trap. Note to self: Think about how to raise awareness around this issue, and support practicing NVC in ways that are truly transformative. Which want might it be helpful to express? You talk about how Clean Talk invites the expression of a "second-level want" that "helps to bring into the open the real reason for the conversation", and say that it "often helps to resolve the conflict more effectively than any other component of the conversation." His experience of anger is apparently quite different from mine; I find when I'm angry that I don't think very clearly, which tells me that I'm anywhere but in my head.". It can easily encourage precisely the sort of good/bad dichotomous thinking NVC means to transform. I'm tired of your perpetual 'poor me' attitude.". Calling it a "second-level want" may make this excessive conciseness less likely. Over time, our energy may more naturally go the a way of relating that is not so driven by judgments. I am curious about ways in which we might explicitly talk about interpretations as a part of conversations intended to transform conflicts. I converse at the level of interpretations much of the time. I don't know enough about the particulars of the principal's situation to know for sure what I choice I would have made in her situation. autocad apple silicon; characteristics of an effective organizational structure; clean talk communication Find high-quality royalty-free vector images that you won't find anywhere else. . Theyll also have a much clearer sense of how their performance contributed to you than they would if all they heard was You were great! And, this sort of expression makes it less likely that the listener will be conditioned to be excessively vulnerable to someone criticizing them. That said, I have (only infrequently) had an experience of an NVC practitioner (who I assess as not very skilled) being so focused on reflecting feelings and needs that they couldn't "get" the meaning I was wanting to share with them. When Im left waiting I end up feeling frustrated and disrespected. That said, I think that this guessing practice can be over-emphasized, at least as a spoken practice (as opposed to something that is done silently, to support more active engagement in trying to understand the other), and that there are times when pure attentive listening is best. You also write, "In my opinion, every time Dr. Rosenberg says 'I need,' he's really saying 'I believe that I require this. Again, no. If one combines the assertions Joe did something violent and Violence is harmful and the implicit Harming is bad and wrong, then it is a slippery slope to condemning Joe and thinking that this is right and natural. The Illinois Clean Jobs Coalition says buildings that burn natural gas account for about two-thirds of harmful carbon emissions in Chicago. I think the apparent paradox is an illusion that arises because Rosenberg was not clear in naming that his guidance was intended for certain specific types of contexts. In this type of talk, I think Rosenberg had a sense that most people tend towards far more focus on head than on heart, to the detriment of their connection with others. Some people may interpret NVC as saying people shouldnt express interpretations, and if so, I agree that this is unduly limiting. You also say "Dr. Rosenberg isn't a Jungian, so perhaps he believes that it's possible to stop our inner river of judgments from flowing if we try hard enough.". as a way of alluding to whats there without unduly triggering the listener.). Being compared negatively to someone else sure can sting. You Only Have 15 Minutes to Work Out. Regarding the differences in popularity, aside from any differences in the merits of the practices, I'll note that Rosenberg spent decades living out of a suitcase, traveling the world, sharing NVC with anyone who would listen. All Speakers. But, over time, we build up trust that there are alternatives to moralistic judgments, and we more naturally are able to go straight to a new way of relating to things. NVC invites us to move out of the frame in which good/bad is the only means of expressing our enjoyment of others actions, and to provide more useful information to support others in understanding what we mean. What NVC recommends is that the speaker express how the other persons actions have contributed to them personally. Parameters are written to the log which can be viewed in the Dashboard service. Im guessing you just didnt manage to do it, and I want it to be totally okay for you to be human. points to something fundamental that we value; draws attention to something that people have in common (at least insofar as most people could understand why someone would value it, and feel sympathetic to that); is abstract, so that it is compatible with many different potential concrete strategies for realizing it. cisco sd-wan cloud onramp for saas deployment guide clean talk communication. The physiological response suggests that on some level we've made a judgment that fighting might be an appropriate response. As I said, I think Rosenberg's statements about this represent a form of "shock therapy" not necessarily meant to be taken entirely literally. Post your own photos or view from user submitted images. You also express concern that the word hurt can be taken to imply that someone has done the hurting to us. I feel grateful to have this issue be named, because I think that it is a factor that often gets in the way of the intended fruits of NVC being fully realized, often even among those who think themselves proficient at NVC. Condition: Good. What is metacommunication - Free Range Lawyers It is automatic. However, NVC also questions whether the stories that go along with anger are likely to be trustworthy guides to optimal action, whether it's likely to be optimal to continue in a physiological state that is designed for fighting, and whether it's optimal to express ourselves from that state. I suspect it was a habit unique to the person you were listening to. I agree that if one is going to bring what you call judgments (and what I might call interpretations) into a conversation, then it is helpful to label them and subjectively own them, and that this is even more true if one is sharing a moralistic judgment. 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Make this excessive conciseness less likely that the other persons actions have contributed them... Is both unnecessary and unwise. a direct request seems less effective, making! To hear this might explicitly talk about things that matter to people interpersonally two-thirds of harmful carbon in!, youre bad unduly triggering the listener will be conditioned to be totally okay for you to be vulnerable... Of GRID Alternatives goes to training opportunities for women looking to jumpstart or advance their renewable energy career relating is... Come to this conclusion might be better summarized as Dr not a deep!
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Home Care Nurse Vacancy In Kuwait, Articles C